Have been up since 6am, pondering my future with gloom rather than excitement. Why ain’t I happy? After all I am off to sunny Cannes tomorrow. Well I hope it’s sunny or I’ll ask for my money back! But while it will be nice to see the family, get a bit of fresh air and walk the sites I haven’t visited for over 15 years (or there about), I am anxious at disappearing for a week when in the middle of finding a new job and preferably the perfect job for me; ie interesting, within walking distance and of course outrageously well paid so I can save for my fast approaching retirement. Not too much to ask, is it? Unfortunately and realistically, just finding an employer who’ll have me may be the only criteria I can hope for. I can’t help thinking that they’ll be counting the years left in me and thinking “not worth it”, “too old for change”, etc, etc. I can counter all that, but only if given the chance.

Since I have not managed to come up with a solution that combines my love of interior design and helping kids in Africa, it’s back to a more mundane role in finance. Don’t get me wrong, an all-round role in a small company comes very close to being interesting, even enjoyable, but the crux is to find one and pretty sharpish as funds are running low and getting paid by the Be-Ruthless company is proving a hard slog. So, yes I am excited of course to be off to sunny Cannes tomorrow, but it won’t be anywhere as relaxing as I’d like it to be and I am going to have to expose my very white body limbs to people who have been caressed by the sun for the last 4 months! Can’t bear the thought!